


My Heart in a Locket

by blissfullylostinarabbithole



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of Death, Morbid, but not sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22313386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blissfullylostinarabbithole/pseuds/blissfullylostinarabbithole
Summary: Bucky learns to appreciate the way Reader’s mind works.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	My Heart in a Locket

“It doesn’t creep you out, man?” Sam asked, eyeing you as you watched another show on the crime channel. 

“I had an idea what I was getting into the first time I met her.” Bucky got a far off look in his eye and chuckled. “You know how killers get caught when they don’t take bloating into account when they’re trying to sink a body?”

Sam frowned in disgust, muttering how messed up that sounds under his breath. “Okay?”

“She’d been pesterin’ Nat all day about it, and when she caught sight of me, she just smiled. She was so beautiful. Then she ran up to me, all excited and says, _‘Hey you’ve seen lots of dead bodies, right?’_ ” he mimicked in a high pitched voice. “ _‘Can stabbing a bunch a holes in a weighted corpse keep it from floating since the decompositional gasses have an escape route?’_ ”

“Oooh,” Sam grimaced. “That’s disgusting.”

Bucky couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore. “I was horrified at first, but she was so genuinely curious I had to admire her question.”

Sam’s eyes nearly bugged out over Bucky finding it so amusing. “You know what, you two deserve each other.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

As much as he wished he could protect you from the horrors of the job, he knew the day would come eventually. Now as he watched you, wringing your hands and staring off into space, all he wanted was to take it all away; wipe you, so to speak, of the memory of the life you’d taken.

He took the seat beside you and rubbed comforting circles on your back. He didn’t ask if you were alright. He knew you weren’t. He just wanted you to know he was there.

When you returned to the compound, he stopped as Steve approached, telling him the debriefing would be postponed, at least until the morning. Steve took one look at you and understood, telling you both to take care.

Bucky led you to your bathroom, sitting you on the edge of the tub as he started to run a bath. With your favorite things inside and the water quickly filling it, he helped you out of your gear and into the tub. After turning off the water, he grabbed the sponge and began to wash the blood off you. 

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s weird seeing someone die.”

He placed a soft kiss to your temple. “I know.”

“Do you ever get used to it?”

He sighed, hating that you felt like this. “No.”

“I did the right thing, didn’t I?”

You finally turned to him, and the pain in your eyes was enough to break his heart 100 times over.

“He was going to kill you and the hostage. I’d say it was your only option.”

You nodded, and stared at the wall again. When you were clean, Bucky rinsed you off and wrapped you in a towel. He asked if you were hungry, and he barely registered the small head shake you gave him. 

Now in your pajamas, with Bucky’s arms wrapped protectively around you, you took a deep breath.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, Doll?”

“Aren’t people supposed to soil themselves when they die?”

“What?!” he sat up, frowning at your question.

You sat up, too, facing him. “I always hear that the contents of the bladder and bowels are expelled after death. We were there for like two hours and the guy didn’t expel anything. How long does it usually take?”

Bucky bit his lip, holding in the laughter that would have been inappropriate to release. “Um, maybe he’d gone before we got there.”

“Oh, that makes sense… I guess.” You lay back down, beckoning him to join you so you could cuddle him. “I still feel bad, though.”

“I’d be worried if you didn’t,” he said, not bothering to hide his amusement.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

_Bucky hadn’t liked where the conversation was headed. Not one bit. But you were adamant about it, and since you were the one about to head out on a mission, he figured he at least owed you the chance to explain yourself._

_“You’re only gathering intel. You’re not even supposed to get close enough for anyone to see you. So why?” he demanded, his hands gripped his hair as he stared at the floor._

_“Because a million things could go wrong!” you’d said. “People are lost all the time, Bucky. What’s the biggest regret most people have?” He didn’t respond, so you kneeled in front of him, pulled his hands into yours and met his gaze. “It’s that they had things left unsaid. I don’t want that. If something happens, I don’t want us to have any doubts or regrets or whatever.”_

You’d been on more than 30 missions together now, and it never got easier. His throat still tightened and his eyes still stung as you stood before each other, telling the other how much your time together meant to you.

The quinjet landed, and your lips met in what could possibly be your last kiss, putting all your love into it should this be goodbye. Your foreheads rested against each other, only separating when the doors opened and the mission began.

As much as he hated the thought of being apart from you, he had to admit the ritual did bring him some comfort should the worst happen. 

No doubts, no regrets, nothing left unsaid.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“What?!” Bucky stared at you in disbelief, astounded that after all this time, you still manage to shock him. “What is wrong with you?!”

“What do you mean?” you asked innocently. “I think it would be really sweet when we’re found, don’t you?”

He stared into your eyes, your own widened in surprise at his reaction. In some weird, morbid way, you were right. He sighed, shaking his head in defeat. “Yeah, ok. If, _IF_ ,” he stressed, “we’re about to die, no way we’re getting out, we’ll cuddle so our bones will look cute together.”

“Really?!” you squealed, giving him a smile he’d swim through lava for.

He nodded, and you nearly tackled him with a hug so forceful you knocked the wind out of him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Calm down, Buck. It’ll be fine,” Steve tried to comfort. “Tomorrow’s another day.”

“Another day to fail,” Bucky replied glumly. “Why’s this gotta be so hard?”

Steve sighed, but remained optimistic. “The ring isn’t the most important thing. You have everything else planned, don’t you?”

“Yup. All I need now’s the ring.”

“What ring?” Sam asked, stepping into the common room. Bucky groaned, throwing his head back against the couch. “Well _excuse_ me.”

“Buck’s gonna propose to Y/N, but we can’t find a ring he likes.”

Bucky’s head shot up. “Steve!”

Steve rolled his eyes. “He’s not going to tell. Besides, maybe he can help?” he asked, directing the question toward Sam.

“I sure can!”

Bucky looked up warily, narrowing his eyes at Sam. “How?”

“Easy. Pick someplace nice, first of all-”

“I already got a reservation,” Bucky interrupted. 

“Really?” Sam raised a brow. “Where, the Body Farm?” He began to laugh, Steve struggling not to join in. Bucky got up from his seat and started to leave, prompting Sam to reach out to stop him. “Wait, wait, no. I really got an idea for your ring problem.”

Bucky sighed, but he really needed the help. “What is it, then?” he relented.

“Get yourselves matching toe tags!” he cackled. 

Steve couldn’t hold back anymore, and waved his hand in apology in Bucky’s direction as he stormed out. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

He missed your figure sprawled out on the couch as he approached the kitchen. Chuckling when he heard you groan, he walked over to the couch, tapping your leg so he could sit.

“What’s wrong, Babydoll?” Without a word, you lifted the emergency file for him to take. “You haven’t filled this out yet?”

With a huff, you sat up and snatched the file back. “Yes. Well, not completely.”

“You need help?”

“It’s not that.”

“So what is it?”

You’d never told anyone, and even though you trusted Bucky with everything you had, you were a little hesitant to explain yourself. “It’s stupid. I should just fill it out and be done with it.”

“No no,” he took the folder and opened it, inspecting it contents. “I don’t get it, it’s all done.”

“No it’s not.” Resigning yourself to whatever Bucky’s reaction might be, you flipped to the middle of the last page; the one that said what you wanted done with your remains should the worst happen. “See where it says ‘Organ Donor’? It only gives me the option to answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’.”

Bucky snorted. “Is it really more complicated than ‘Yes’ or ‘No’? You’re not exactly gonna need ‘em after you’re… after.” He pushed the thought of losing you to the back of his mind. It wasn’t the time, and all he’d end up doing is upsetting himself.

“YES!” you threw your arms up in frustration. “It’s MUCH more complicated than that!”

Realizing you were genuinely distraught, he pulled you into a tight embrace and whispered calming words in your ear. Once your breathing evened out, he pulled back. “Ok, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I… It’s selfish, Bucky.”

“It’s alright. Just tell me.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “I don’t want to donate my heart.” He didn’t say anything, so you kept talking. “I’m not saying I won’t, but I just really don’t want to. If they could just hurry up and make viable synthetic ones, then I wouldn’t feel so awful for wanting to-.” You clammed up, realizing you were about to spill.

“What?” Noting your embarrassment, he took your chin and made you meet his gaze. “Don’t leave me in suspense now,” he teased.

“I want my heart cremated, and the ashes put in a locket.”

Bucky didn’t let you go, but averted his eyes to your file. “Why?”

“Because it belongs to _you_. It belongs _with_ you,” you placed your hand over his own heart, “right beside yours.” 

He was touched by the sentiment, his eyes welling up as he wrapped his arms around you.

“That’s beautiful, Y/N.”

“It is?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled, getting to his feet and pulling you with him. “Come on, let’s go talk to Stark.”

“What for?”

“We’re gonna tell him to fund some synthetic heart research for us.” 

“Us?”

“Yeah,” he grinned. “My heart belongs with yours, right?”

“Oh my god, really?! You mean it?!” 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, accepting the embraced and barrage of kisses you bestowed on him.

As you walked to Tony’s lab, hand in hand, you hummed happily, practically skipping at the possibility of getting exactly what you wanted.

Bucky always needed a moment; the aversion he usually felt was fleeting, then he could see where you were coming from. This time, though, there was none of that. He looked over at you and smiled, happy that he could put your mildly depraved mind at ease, and looking forward to doing it for the rest of your lives.

* * *


End file.
